“My son ran the best race of his life… and then got disqualified. That moment made me rethink how much parents should push their kids in sports — and where the line is between encouragement and pressure. In this Raised by Wolves story, I share what happened, what the experts say, and the lesson that changed how I parent in both sports and life.”

By: A Mindful Dad’s Life

Last Saturday, my son competed in the state track and field championships. At eight years old, he’s already got a natural athleticism and a competitive streak that shows up when it matters. He qualified in three events: the 100-meter dash, the high jump, and the 4×100 relay.

It was one of those days that made me swell with pride, wrestle with self-doubt, and ask myself tough questions about the kind of sports parent I want to be, and to question the line between inspiring my child and unintentionally pushing too hard.

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The Balancing Act Every Sports Parent Knows

I’ve always wrestled with the same question:

How do you encourage your kid to push themselves and strive for their best without pushing so hard that you take away the joy?

At the meet, I talked with another dad whose daughter is in the same situation. She’s talented, works hard, and yet he finds himself in the same constant debate: I want her to push harder, but I don’t want to make her hate it.

We both admitted there’s no perfect answer. The balance isn’t something you figure out once and then coast; it’s something you adjust every season, sometimes every week.

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The Highs, the Lows, and the Lane Violation

In the 100 meters, my son cut 1.6 seconds off his personal best, a huge improvement, but still finished 14th. He was happy that he beat someone in his heat, and I congratulated him for how well he ran and his start.

In the high jump, he cleared 3′-1″. It was the height that qualified him for the states. He said after the event that he was disappointed he didn’t make 3′-2″. A lot of kids missed that height, so he wasn’t the only one walking off the field. He was disappointed that he hadn’t cleared 3’-2” and said he wanted to jump that height next year.

And in the relay, I saw something I’d been waiting for: that locked-in “I’m gonna win this” look. He took the baton with his team in 4th place, ran the hardest I’ve ever seen him run, and pushed his team into 2nd. The final runner brought it home with a 2-second lead.

Then it happened: the moment I won’t forget. After handing off the baton, he drifted into another runner’s lane, bumped another runner, and was disqualified. His team’s 1st place finish disappeared in an instant.

The coach had told them over and over: Stay in your lane. And I’ll be honest, I was disappointed. But I was also proud of how hard he ran his leg of the relay. I didn’t lecture him, I just asked what happened. He looked upset and shut down. On the ride home, he reasoned it away, saying the other team was going to lose anyway.

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My Own Athletic Past

The next day, he let me talk to him about it. I told him how I was a swimmer starting at age seven, how I was disqualified more than once, and how I wasn’t very good when I first started competing.

My mother made me swim, no choice, no days off, and she demanded that I push myself to be the best. Eventually, I was. I loved the water and loved winning, but I had to find my own joy in it despite the pressure.

I don’t want to raise my son the way my mother raised me. I want him to have the will to improve and the grit to set goals, but I also want him to stay a kid, to try different sports, to laugh at practice, to discover what he loves without feeling like every mistake will be held against him.

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What the Experts Say

It turns out this tug-of-war is something researchers have studied for years.

The American Academy of Pediatrics and sports psychology experts agree: children thrive when the focus is on enjoyment, personal growth, and skill development, not just winning.

When parents put too much emphasis on performance, kids are more likely to:

• Burn out and lose interest in the sport entirely.
• Experience anxiety that hurts both performance and confidence.
• Drop out early, sometimes before they ever reach high school.

So what does work? Experts suggest a few guiding principles:

1. Autonomy: Give kids a real say in which sports they play and how much they want to commit.
   Guideline: Offer options, ask for their opinion, and respect their choices, even if they change their mind.
2. Effort over outcome: Praise hustle, focus, and learning, not just results.
   Guideline: Highlight small improvements and celebrate perseverance, regardless of the scoreboard.
3. Shared goals: Set objectives together so your child feels ownership.
   Guideline: Involve them in deciding what they want to improve and agree on realistic, incremental goals.
4. Perspective: Less than 1% of youth athletes compete at elite levels; the real win is building life skills, resilience, and friendships.
   Guideline: Remind yourself and your child why they play, for fun, health, and teamwork.

If you push too hard, you risk your child associating the goal with your approval rather than their own satisfaction. That’s not just a sports issue, it’s a parenting issue. In so many parts of childhood, from schoolwork to hobbies to friendships, our encouragement can either foster independence or create dependency on our praise. The challenge is making sure we’re building their self-motivation, not just their desire to please us.

One of the hardest questions parents face is where to draw the line when a child wants to quit mid-season. Commitment matters; finishing what you started teaches follow-through and respect for teammates. But there’s also value in recognizing when something truly isn’t the right fit. Experts often recommend a middle ground: require kids to finish the season they agreed to, then give them the choice to continue or switch afterward. It reinforces responsibility without locking them into misery.

When you combine these principles, you create an environment where your child feels supported, not controlled. They learn to push themselves because they want to, not because they fear letting you down. This balance builds lifelong motivation and a healthy relationship with sports.

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More Than Just Track

This isn’t just about track for us. I’m also his flag football coach, and the same push-pull plays out there. I want to correct every mistake, tell him exactly how to get better, but sometimes, the best thing I can do is step back and let him figure it out himself.

Sometimes I get that balance right. Sometimes I don’t. But I’m learning, just like he is.

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Staying in My Lane

Maybe the real lesson from that disqualification isn’t about track etiquette at all. My son has to learn to stay in his lane on the track.

And I have to learn to stay in mine as a father, guiding, supporting, and encouraging him to run his race, not mine.

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If you’ve been in the stands, holding your breath, or yelling at the top of your lungs for your kid, you know this struggle. We want them to push. We want them to shine. But we also want them to love the game enough to come back tomorrow.

And maybe, just maybe, the key is remembering that our role isn’t to run beside them or ahead of them, but to cheer them on from our own lane while they find their way down the track.

Because at the end of the day, success isn’t about medals or times, it’s about raising a child who knows how to run their own race, no matter where life’s track takes them.

If this story resonates with you, I’d love to hear from you. Leave a comment and share what’s worked for your child.