Yesterday, after track practice, my son grabbed a random water bottle and aimed it at his oldest friend, pretending he was going to spray him. His friend shouted, “Don’t! I don’t want nasty old water on me!” My son froze for a second, caught between the fun of the game and his friend’s clear words. I called his name and said, “Listen to what he’s saying.” Only then did he drop the bottle.

To anyone else, it might have looked like nothing. But to me, it was one of those small parenting moments that matter far more than they seem.

I told him, “Your friend was telling you very clearly what he didn’t want. If you want to keep good friends, you need to listen and treat them with respect.”

He looked at me, surprised, almost like he thought friendship was permanent, something that would always be there no matter what. But that’s normal for kids his age. They’re still learning that friendship is a choice, something we have to care for and nurture.

And it’s a lesson that works both ways. I want him to know that if someone doesn’t treat him with respect, he can use his words to set boundaries. And if that doesn’t work, he’s allowed to say he doesn’t want to play, to walk away, or to ask for help. Friendship goes both ways, and learning to listen to others and to check in with himself is part of keeping those friendships strong.

For kids like my son, that self-check is key. I’m teaching him to notice when he’s getting carried away, to pause, and to know when he needs to regroup.

This is a constant theme. He’s energetic, big-hearted, and sometimes pushes too far. His excitement can overwhelm other kids. But this is part of the long game of parenting, teaching him to regroup.

When this happens, I ask him: “What do you need to do right now to take care of yourself?”

That question pulls him back into the moment, into himself. Because if he can regulate himself, he can better respect others. And one day, that skill will make him the kind of friend others can trust.

If you’re raising an energetic, strong-willed kid, you probably know this drill: they will push boundaries, and they will mess up. But these moments shape who they become. As dads, we have a choice: guide and teach through punishment and shame, or through gentle reminders. I try every day to choose from a place of love.

And help him to;

• Listen when people tell you their boundaries.
• Treat friendships like something you earn every day.
• Regroup, breathe, and ask, “What do I need to do to show up as my best self?”

That’s the long game. That’s how we raise kids who grow into good friends, good partners, and good people.